Visiting a loved one in a nursing home: what to do, say and notice
Key takeaways
- Federal rules give residents the right to have visitors of their choosing, at the time of their choosing. Homes can set reasonable limits for clinical or safety reasons.
- Short, regular visits are often easier to keep up than a long visit once in a while.
- Bring something to do together: photos, music, a walk outside, a snack the nurse has approved.
- With dementia, connection matters more than conversation. You do not have to be recognized to be welcome.
Visits are good for the person you love, and they are also how families stay part of the care. You do not need a plan for every minute. A familiar face, something small to do together and a regular rhythm are enough.
When can you visit a nursing home?
In any nursing home certified for Medicare or Medicaid, federal rules give a resident the right to receive visitors of his or her choosing, at the time of his or her choosing. The resident also has the right to say no to a visit. A home can set limits for clinical or safety reasons, for example during an infection outbreak or when a late visit keeps a roommate awake.
It still helps to ask the nurses what time of day works. Mornings are often taken up by bathing, dressing and therapy, and many residents are at their best after a rest.
Differs by stateState rules on visiting
Some states add their own rules on top of the federal right.
- Maine
- State rules give residents the right to receive visitors at any reasonable hour.
- New Hampshire
- State law lets a resident name a spouse, family member or caregiver who may visit, and that right cannot be suspended during a declared emergency. Homes may still limit visits for clinical or safety reasons.
- Vermont
- State rules require homes to give immediate access to any person the resident chooses to see.
Checked against state sources in Oct 2026. State rules are added here as each state is added to this site.
What can you do on a visit?
- Look through old photos and ask about the people in them.
- Play music from their younger years, and sing along.
- Go outside. A walk or a wheelchair ride around the grounds changes the whole day.
- Share a meal or a coffee. Ask the nurse first about any diet restrictions.
- Read aloud: the newspaper, mail from family, a favorite book.
- Bring a grandchild, or a pet if the home allows it.
- Give a hand massage with lotion, or brush their hair.
- Play cards, do a puzzle or watch a ballgame together.
- Make a video call to a relative who lives far away.
- Join an activity on the home's calendar, such as bingo, music or a church service.
- Tidy the closet together and check that clothes are labeled.
- Sit quietly. Company counts even when no one is talking.
How do you visit someone living with dementia?
Most of these tips follow the Alzheimer's Association's guidance on communication.
- Approach from the front and say who you are.
- Find a quiet spot and talk one-on-one. Speak slowly and clearly, and keep eye contact.
- Ask questions that can be answered yes or no, such as "Would you like some coffee?"
- Do not criticize or correct. Listen for the meaning behind the words.
- Use touch, music, pictures, smells and tastes when words are hard to find.
- Give plenty of time to answer.
If your loved one tires, a short visit and another one later in the week is fine.
If your loved one asks to go home, the feeling is usually what matters. Acknowledge it ("You miss home") without arguing or making a promise you cannot keep, then move gently to something else. Tell the staff, who can share what helps at other times of the day.
What should you notice while you are there?
You know your loved one well. Over several visits, notice whether:
- they are clean, dressed and wearing their glasses, hearing aids or dentures;
- water and the call button are within reach;
- call lights on the hallway are answered;
- staff greet residents by name;
- there are changes in weight, mood, skin or the ability to move around.
Raise anything that worries you with the charge nurse, and ask about the next care plan meeting. Residents have the right to take part in planning their care and to choose who else is included, such as a family member. If a concern is not resolved, see how to file a complaint about a nursing home.
What if you live far away?
Ask the activity staff to set up a regular video call, and send mail. Residents have the right to receive unopened mail and to use a telephone in private. A card that arrives every week is a visit of its own.